


My Funny Valentine

by 12tardis



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:47:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26511640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/12tardis/pseuds/12tardis
Summary: A collection of short moments wherein Newt makes the reader laugh and vice versa. Includes colour blind Newt, exasperated Theseus, a misshap with some Billywigs and a lousy take on the Erumpent dance.
Relationships: Newt Scamander & Reader, Newt Scamander & You, Newt Scamander/Reader, Newt Scamander/You
Comments: 3
Kudos: 30





	My Funny Valentine

**Author's Note:**

> Lovely anon requested ‘some funny moments with Newt and reader? Like those moments that make you laugh but at the same time you say ‘oh God I love him’ and vice versa…” I really hope you like it! Like I said I have a weird/dry sense of humour so I’m super unsure about this one! 
> 
> I read somewhere once that Eddie is colour blind and I really have the NERVE to post this wearing bright purple thermal stockings, tan uggs and a green and blue flannel??

Newt was one of the few people that could make you laugh, a proper full-bellied laugh no matter what mood you were in. And little did you know that he’d made it a personal goal to make you smile at least once everyday ever since your days at Hogwarts. He would usually achieve this by doing or saying sweet things to you but occasionally he’d do something so outrageously ridiculous or dorky that you couldn’t help but laugh. 

Usually he would feel insecure and flustered when people would laugh at him but with you he didn’t mind. You would never mean anything out of animosity. In fact he only felt pride that **he,** Newton Scamander could draw such a beautiful musical sound from you. 

It was a little known fact that Newt was colour blind and you were one of the only people to know about this fact because it rarely came up. There’d been a few questionable wardrobe choices over the years as a result but for the most part no one ever suspected a thing because he tended to wear the same staple outfits day in and day out and you were always there to fix him up if he was ever dressed too outrageously.

You were only fairly recently an official couple when you found yourself waiting for Newt at the bottom of the stairs in your shared apartment. Standing with his older brother Theseus and chatting away as you were all about to head off to one of Newt’s book signings where many more of his friends and family would be. Of course, Newt was the last one to get ready though, having gotten carried away in his case while you had busied yourself getting all dolled up.

“By Merlin’s beard”, Theseus suddenly breathed out, looking up the stairs at his brother who was rushing down towards you, wearing at least 4 different colours and 5 different prints. You didn’t even recognise half of the ensemble he was wearing.

Theseus quickly looked away from his brother and down at his watch, trying to hold it together but you didn’t even attempt to hold back your laughter as you slapped a hand over your mouth, gaping at your boyfriend.

“Newt, did you let the creatures dress you?”, you gasped, gripping him by the shoulders as it was Theseus’ turn to gape at you. 

Newt blinked back at you and then glanced down at his own outfit before looking back at you “I-I thought you liked this shirt!”, he huffed as you openly started to laugh now.

“Goodness Newt I do! I **love** this shirt. But not with that green paisley waist coat. Not with the purple tie,” you breathed out, gripping his shoulders harder as you couldn’t control your giggles any longer. You cupped his cheeks as you looked him over, shaking your head “I love this shirt and I love you and you look utterly adorable but I’m just not sure this is the look you were going for.”

And Theseus looked on in bemusement when Newt just gazed back at you with bright eyes and a smile of his own, taking you in properly in your own gorgeous gown and perfectly done hair and make up.

Newt only held you closer as he smiled back at you, beginning to laugh too because your laughter was infectious. “I thought you were going to wear your blue three piece”, you eventually managed to say to which Newt shook his head with a frown “I can’t find it anywhere!”

You rolled your eyes fondly in response before you jogged up the stairs to fetch the outfit, leaving Newt gazing after you. He yelped when Theseus slapped him in the chest, staring at him incredulously “what the hell was that?!”

Newt looked back at his brother with his eyebrows drawn together, holding his hands up “what was _what_?”

“That!” Theseus huffed, gesturing in the direction you had gone “I laughed at you for the very same reason once and you didn’t talk to me for a full weekend but she does and you stare at her like she hung the moon and the stars!”

Newt pursed his lips together for a moment as he looked back at his brother “Right, well for one - you were being a jerk that day. Two, it’s not the same at all because you’re not her, I mean did you not see how she lights up? And three, as far as I’m aware-“ he paused as he fixed Theseus with a deadpan expression “she _did_ hang the stars and the moon.”

Newt grinned back at his brother obnoxiously causing Theseus to groan in frustration. “Gross!” he said as he threw his arms up in exasperation before he stomped out of the apartment to wait outside, just as you came back down the stairs thrusting the suit bag into Newt’s hands.

Newt grasped the bag in one hand and pulled you close against him with the other now that the two of you were alone. He pressed a long kiss to your lips, humming as he pulled back “hmm, how do I know this isn’t just a ploy to get me undressed my darling girl?”, he murmured as he squeezed your hip, causing your cheeks to warm in response.

“Newt! Go and get dressed we’re already late!”, Theseus shouted, banging on the front door.

* * *

“My god, I swear he does stupid things just to make her laugh”, Jacob murmured in disbelief as he shook his head to himself , watching you bent over, clutching your stomach as you cackled with laughter while Newt smiled back at you over his shoulder.

Theseus nodded furiously, looking over at Jacob “YES! Thank you! I’ve been saying this for years! This one time for an event I swear he purposely dressed like a muggle clown just to amuse her.”

“Yeah jeeze”, Jacob nodded, slightly distracted as Theseus continued to recount all the times he’d witnessed Newt doing something dumb to woo you. He barely registered a word, too preoccupied watching Newt continue to dance around in the snow looking like an absolute buffoon.

He was apparently performing a mating dance to try and lure the escaped Erumpent back into his case while Y/N was too busy laughing in the distance to help him lure the creature with the vial of musk in her hand.

Newt picked up on your giggles in the background, smiling slightly to himself as he continued to wiggle his ass in the direction of the Erumpent, eventually looking back at where you were almost wheezing with your laughter “Come on Y/N! A little help here!” he called, and you quickly pulled yourself together when you saw the Erumpent begin to huff in Newt’s direction.

Newt ran towards you and the case when you finally pried the lid from the vial, narrowly avoiding being gored by the Erumpent as he skidded to a halt in front of you. You quickly snapped case shut and shouted when Newt slammed into you, knocking you both back into the snow, the two of you collapsing into a fit of giggles a moment later.

Jacob rushed towards the pair of you to make sure you were okay, Theseus hot on his heels as he continued his story of something embarrassing Newt had done in school. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw the you both clutching each other in the snow.

“Oh! And in school he used to eat these lollies that make you hiccup bubbles. They taste absolutely horrid but he kept doing it and she thought it was hilarious! They’re both insane”, Theseus said passionately as he gestured to you tangled in one another’s arms and giggling still.

“Insanely in love,” Jacob countered wondering if that’s what he and Queenie looked like to the outside world when they were absorbed in each other.

Newt was the first to climb to his feet, helping you up and brushing the snow off of you as you turned to Theseus with a frown “Drooble’s gum was the best!”

* * *

Newt was just finishing tending to the Mooncalves when he spotted a stunning flower growing in one of the nearby enclosures. He hummed to himself as he wandered over to get a closer look at the flower, looking down at Pickett when the Bowtruckle climbed over to the flower, chirping up at Newt as he gestured at it. “Yes I was just thinking that myself. Y/N would love it”.

He hummed as he leant forward over one of the trees to pluck the flower out from its spot, completely oblivious to the Billywig nest that was hanging over his head. You were always warning him about this particular tree. 

He stood up quickly when he had the flower in his hand, yelping when he felt a sting in his neck, his other hand flying up to grasp his neck. He sighed when he caught a glimpse of a Billywig buzzing away and he quickly jogged back towards his shack where he knew he had some anti venom stashed away.

He made it, only a few steps away from the shelves of vials when his feet left the ground and a few giggles began to spill from his lips as the effects of the Billywig sting set in quickly. He rushed to grab his wand, crying out in frustration punctuated by more laughter when it slipped from his grasp and fell to the floor along with the flower as he was left levitating in the air.

As the time wore on the giddiness symptoms wore away but much to Newt’s dismay the levitation side effect didn’t so he resigned himself to flailing around along the ceiling of the shack while a small group of the creatures gathered below him and paced nervously. He had tried and failed several times to coax the creatures to rescue his wand for him.

You arrived home from work not much later, calling out to your boyfriend as you wandered into the apartment, frowning as you wondered where he was. He was usually waiting for you with a pot of tea and biscuits ready, waiting to tell you something exciting about his creatures. You checked in the bedroom and frowned when you couldn’t see any sign of him, calling out for him again “Newt?”

You paused when you thought you heard him shouting in the distance, nodding as you headed straight for his case and climbed down the stairs into his shack.

“Y/N thank Merlin you’re home!”

You gasped and jumped back clutching your chest when you heard Newt’s voice from above you, staring up at him in shock “Newt, goodness are you okay?! Are you hurt?”, you panicked, rushing towards him trying to reach up to him.

Newt waved his hands when he saw your panic, shaking his head “I’m fine I got stung by one of the Billywigs”, he sighed when he tried to reach for you and couldn’t quite stretch far enough.

You looked back at him in silence for a moment before you suddenly burst into full bellied laughter, tipping your head back. “Y/N! can you help me down first before you spend the afternoon laughing at me”, he called, pouting at you when you continued to laugh, grabbing your wand and pointing it at him. You paused your laughter long enough as you flicked your wand at him.

“Levicorpus!”

Newt shouted when he suddenly flipped upside down, “Y/N!”, he huffed in exasperation but he softened slightly and couldn’t help but smile at the way you giggled in response. His face was now roughly in line with yours and he was able to reach out and grasp your shoulders. “I thought Billywig stings were supposed to make you giddy?” you murmured as you gently stroked Newt’s face and he leant into your touch instinctively “that symptom wore off about 20 minutes ago.”

You giggled again and nodded, pressing a soft kiss to his lips causing Newt to hum in surprise as he closed his eyes and took in the new sensation of kissing you while hanging upside down. You let go of him and stepped back to give him room as you cast your wand at him again “Liberacorpus” and Newt closed his eyes as he suddenly spun upright again, still levitating above you.

You wandered over to the storage cabinet, scanning the shelves and grabbing the anti venom vial, setting it on Newt’s desk before you walked back over to him, trying to tug him down by his ankles. You huffed and puffed as you eventually managed to get him a safe distance closer to the ground, holding the vial up to him.

Newt quickly skulled the liquid, scrunching his face up in disgust and not catching himself in time to land on his feet as he hurtled towards the ground. Your eyes widened and you quickly grabbed him, letting out a yelp when you crashed to the ground under Newt, the two of you a mess of tangled limbs.

Newt quickly shifted his weight off of you, checking you over for any injuries as he lay over you, smiling as you began to laugh again, cupping his cheeks “darling, are you okay?”, you murmured, looking back up at him in amusement. Newt nodded, pressing a quick kiss to your lips “I’m fine. You saved me, my love.”he murmured, smiling in amusement when you let out another giggle “goodness, it’s almost as if you were the one that got stung with all that laughter”

“I can’t help it! You should have seen your face when you were flailing around up there! What were you even doing near the Billywig nest you goose?”, you grinned at him, your lips then pulling into a small frown when you noticed the angry looking welt on his neck, skimming your fingertips over it.

Newt hummed when he saw the concern wash over your face, quickly hopping to his feet and pulling you with him “I’m fine my darling, I promise.” he soothed knowing you were prone to worrying over him. He squeezed your hand before he quickly snatched up the flower from where it had fallen, holding it out to you.

“I spotted this and thought you would like it, it’s not my fault that Pickett was a terrible watch guard”, he murmured, poking his tongue out at the Bowtruckle who squeaked in offence.

You held the flower up and admired it with a wide smile, shaking your head to yourself because Newt’s thoughtfulness never ceased to amaze you “Thank you, Newt. It’s beautiful.”

You leant in to kiss him again before you pulled him upstairs into the apartment where you set the flower into a vase on the dining table and Newt let you fuss over the his sting welt.

* * *

You were sitting at the small makeshift desk in Newt’s shack in the case, having decided to use the desk to repot a bunch of your plants while your husband was nearby. You claimed that the desk was just a convenient height for your planting needs and that you wanted to spend time with him but Newt had caught on to the fact that you were really just taking the chance to ogle him as he tried to train a father cranky Kelpie.

He had been suspicious immediately because you’d never had any issue with your work bench in your greenhouse he’d built for you before but he fell easily enough for your excuse of wanting to spend time with him.

So he worked in the room beside you, trying in vain to slip a bridle onto the agitated Kelpie, catching you leaning back in your chair dangerously several time’s to properly look at him. It wasn’t until he caught sight of your slightly heated gaze that he realised what was really happening. You’d always had a thing for him in a wet shirt, he remembered because you’d told him as much once before you had practically tackled him in a very heated kiss.

You knew you’d been caught out from the look of realisation that passed over Newt’s face followed by the faintest blush on his cheeks and you nibbled your lip slightly before you smiled teasingly at him. Newt still wasn’t used to this openly flirty side of you that had seemed to emerge after the wedding but he couldn’t deny that he loved it.

“Perhaps you should take off your shirt”, you said as flirtatiously as you could muster, throwing in a wink at the end and letting out a chuckle when Newt grew flustered in response.

“Y/N, I am trying to do serious work here! I do not need you trying to distract me with your charms”, he huffed, rolling his eyes at you fondly when you only smiled innocently back at him.

You held up your dirt covered hands and shrugged “I’m just saying you will probably be more comfortable without that sopping wet material weighing you down. And Kelpie will probably like you more, because I know _I_ certainly do.”

Newt snorted in response and turned away from you and back to the creature that was still splashing around in protest. He had to admit he was flattered by your blatant ogling but he had a creature to train! Plus it couldn’t hurt to tease you a little in return. Merlin, knows you deserved it after every stunt you’d pulled on your honeymoon.

He tried a few more times unsuccessfully to slip the bridle over the Kelpie before he climbed up onto his step ladder, reaching up and rummaging around through his storage for the other bridle he had that the creature would sometimes accept.

He glanced over at you, biting back a laugh when he glimpsed you leaning back in your chair again, your eyes fixated on where his shirt had ridden up, exposing the lower part of his abdomen.

His smile dropped however when the chair slipped out from beneath you and you let out a yelp as you fell backwards, potting mix flying all over you as you landed on the ground with a soft thud.

“Y/N!”, he shouted, leaping down from the step ladder and kneeling down beside you quickly, relaxing in relief when you grasped his hands, assuring him you were fine. Though you were clearly a little embarrassed as you lay there covered head to toe in dirt and the Flitterbloom you had been planting had landed in your hair and was squirming around your head, tousling your hair up.

Newt looked down at your vexed expression, laughing loudly as he carefully removed the plant from atop your head “My darling girl, I told you you would fall if you didn’t stop that.” he chuckled, setting the plant on the desk before he helped you sit up, looking at you with a mixture of amusement and pure adoration.

You huffed and brushed the dirt off your dress, “well it’s partially your fault for being so handsome,” you grumbled, only making Newt laugh more as he pulled you into him, wrapping his arms around you tightly and effectively drenching you with his soaked shirt too. “It’s entirely your fault for being such a tease”, he countered, holding you tighter when you scrunched your nose up at the damp hug.

He grinned as he nuzzled his wet hair into your neck and you squealed at the ticklish sensation before you too broke down in a fit of giggles in his arms. “Merlin, I love you so much”, he breathed into your shoulder, groaning when you lifted your hand and smeared some potting mix over his face “Y/N!”.

You snorted in response and pecked him on the nose, closing your eyes when he rubbed the dirt over your face in return “I love you too, even when you make me fall out of my chair.” 

* * *

**More works/Send me requests at 12tardis.tumblr.com**


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